Waiting for the Right One and Waiting on God

My "on this day" feature on Facebook today showed that 4 years ago today I began the only relationship I've ever been in. It was fun while it lasted, I learned a lot. What to do and what not to do for future reference in case I'm ever blessed enough to be in another relationship. After it ended almost 3 years ago (I'm amazed anyone would stick with me for that long) it was like I was starting over. What next? I thought. All I wanted in life was for someone to love me back and to love me like Jesus loved the church.

One of my problems is that I've always been afraid, petrified, to ever tell a member of the opposite sex that I like her. Why? I have no idea. Since about 8th grade (if not before...) I was always afraid that if I told said female that I liked her it would always affect the friendship, and I guess I would rather have a friend than anything beyond that, since I had very few friends growing up. So much so that I spent the entire decade of my 20s without asking out a single female. Ouch. Now that I've gotten older I almost feel like my chance has passed me by.

Just last week, for example, I had kind of liked a girl off-and-on for most of this year, not knowing if she was single or not (trust me, women like her don't stay off the market long) and I officially liked her for one whole week. One week. Wow that's a record. When I found out through a third party that it wasn't mutual, I went into a funk for one night only. Then I realized, you know, instead of me actually saying anything and telling her (I'm sure she would have been flattered) I decided just to let it go and stay friends with her and end it there, instead of making it incredibly awkward the next time we saw each other, and that way neither one of us (me) would end up getting hurt.

I have been told by a good friend, constantly, become what you attract. Sadly, I haven't done too much to make myself a good catch to the opposite sex. Women have never exactly thrown themselves my way anyway. My one relationship, we went out for 6-weeks/2-months solid before any one of us said anything. I mean, I am in my mid-30s and I still live at home. Life doesn't quite happen at the pace you would like and it happens at different times for different people, but me having bounced around so many odd jobs in my life, my current job is the highest-paying job I've ever had. Still not enough to afford to live anywhere without the aid of a roommate, and the few times I've had potential roommates, it's always fallen through for whatever reason. But I'm fully supportive of myself. Whatever it is I need, I pay for on my own. It may not be much, may not be the latest and greatest and fanciest, but one thing I'm proud of is that everything I own I paid for myself.

I've also been asked what do I look for in a mate? I HAD everything I looked for. So it took me close to 3 years to find what I look for again. It's not that hard. Basically, I want a woman who loves Jesus, racing, music, and can laugh easily. Not too hard. Surely she's out there right?

This year seems to be like the one year more than any other in recent memory where it just hits me that woah! I still don't have anyone. And have began frantically for a search, always coming up empty. I have very little free time during the week, my nights are occupied at either work (where I'm there to work...go figure) or at church-related activities, which is a great place to find someone, but Tuesday nights with there being several thousand in attendance they're all just faces in the crowd.

Speaking of Tuesday night, that's where I'm going with this. The current Porch series is on relationship goals, and I know last night is what God wanted me to hear. Towards the end of the message I heard God saying, you're trying too hard. Wait. There's times when I begin to lose all hope and doubt that I'll ever find anyone...the one thing I've wanted most out of life. I began to pour my heart out to God. I cried out (in a whisper, of course):God, I know this is what You wanted me to hear. Please give me peace and patience in all this, I know You have someone out there for me. I'll wait as long as I have to. It's hard to have trust and faith when this is all I've ever known, but at the time it was perfect and exactly what I wanted and needed to hear.

As I wrote in some lyrics at some point in my life: I'll keep waiting, she'll show up in God's perfect timing. Until then, live it up!

Looking For America

What happened to America? We no longer seem to be the land of the free and the home of the brave. Instead, it seems we have become the land of the easily offended and oppressed. I believe the downfall of America started in 2008 when the so-called "great unifer" was "elected" (stolen) into the highest office in the land. Instead of being the great unifer, I have never seen our country so divided on seemingly every issue. From race to politics to sexual orientation to what defines marriage, it seems to be no middle ground. Even now the Pledge of Allegiance is causing controversy. Never in my life would I imagine that the timeless classic that was written over 200 years ago would somehow not hold the same values as it was when it was written.

Now there is a narrative going around that ALL police are criminals and thugs and only shoot down people of a skin color because of said skin color. Facts are always twisted and distorted to fit a particular narrative. Never once have any of these people shot and killed by the hands of police officers were doing anything lawful, and most (not all....NEVER generalize) were under the influence of some kind of mind-altering substance. I'm sure the police officers were fearful for their lives. Never was this more true than the events of July 7, when a "Black Lives Matters" protest (again...why only BLACK lives? Why not all lives??? And for that matter...if only 'black lives matter',why is the majority of murder in America black-on-black crimes? Facts can be cruel and not fit a particular narrative) When in Downtown Dallas (which is not far from where I live in my quiet sprawling North Texas suburb) an armed militant who "hated white police officers" when shots were fired, the police RAN TO PROTECT the lives of the very people who they were protesting. If that's not bravery, I have no idea what is.

Now, unfortunately, athletes are using this false narrative to try and make a stand for something that doesn't exist. Colin Kaepernick, a former star QB for the Niners who is now relegated to backup, decided to protest the national anthem because of what he felt was "police brutality" towards black people, and feels the anthem is a sign of "oppression". I don't want to hear about oppression from a biracial person who was raised middle class by a white family who makes $19 million/year to sit on the bench. That is NOT oppression. Go to the Middle East. If you're NOT muslim, you are killed. Women are raped and killed. If you are not a muslim in that part of the world, you don't convert. You are killed. THAT is oppression. Again, false narrative based on twisted facts from the media.

I saw an article just this morning that a school in California threw away thousands of American flags as a 9/11 tribute. I was appalled. The day 15 years ago when ALL Americans regardless of color or religion, stood united. I haven't forgotten that day, it is forever burned in my mind as a sign of TRUE hatred for America.

I just thought I would never live to see the day when I would see my once proud country crumbling from within because those in "charge" don't love her. I wonder when the term "proud American" is found to be offensive...or are we already there? If you don't love our country and freedoms we still have here...leave. As simple as that. Instead of being constantly offended and trying to change our freedoms to suit your offenses and ruin it for everyone else...LEAVE!!!

God bless America,
"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray, I will hear them from heaven and heal their land" 2 Chronicles 7:14