One of my problems is that I've always been afraid, petrified, to ever tell a member of the opposite sex that I like her. Why? I have no idea. Since about 8th grade (if not before...) I was always afraid that if I told said female that I liked her it would always affect the friendship, and I guess I would rather have a friend than anything beyond that, since I had very few friends growing up. So much so that I spent the entire decade of my 20s without asking out a single female. Ouch. Now that I've gotten older I almost feel like my chance has passed me by.
Just last week, for example, I had kind of liked a girl off-and-on for most of this year, not knowing if she was single or not (trust me, women like her don't stay off the market long) and I officially liked her for one whole week. One week. Wow that's a record. When I found out through a third party that it wasn't mutual, I went into a funk for one night only. Then I realized, you know, instead of me actually saying anything and telling her (I'm sure she would have been flattered) I decided just to let it go and stay friends with her and end it there, instead of making it incredibly awkward the next time we saw each other, and that way neither one of us (me) would end up getting hurt.
I have been told by a good friend, constantly, become what you attract. Sadly, I haven't done too much to make myself a good catch to the opposite sex. Women have never exactly thrown themselves my way anyway. My one relationship, we went out for 6-weeks/2-months solid before any one of us said anything. I mean, I am in my mid-30s and I still live at home. Life doesn't quite happen at the pace you would like and it happens at different times for different people, but me having bounced around so many odd jobs in my life, my current job is the highest-paying job I've ever had. Still not enough to afford to live anywhere without the aid of a roommate, and the few times I've had potential roommates, it's always fallen through for whatever reason. But I'm fully supportive of myself. Whatever it is I need, I pay for on my own. It may not be much, may not be the latest and greatest and fanciest, but one thing I'm proud of is that everything I own I paid for myself.
I've also been asked what do I look for in a mate? I HAD everything I looked for. So it took me close to 3 years to find what I look for again. It's not that hard. Basically, I want a woman who loves Jesus, racing, music, and can laugh easily. Not too hard. Surely she's out there right?
I've also been asked what do I look for in a mate? I HAD everything I looked for. So it took me close to 3 years to find what I look for again. It's not that hard. Basically, I want a woman who loves Jesus, racing, music, and can laugh easily. Not too hard. Surely she's out there right?
This year seems to be like the one year more than any other in recent memory where it just hits me that woah! I still don't have anyone. And have began frantically for a search, always coming up empty. I have very little free time during the week, my nights are occupied at either work (where I'm there to work...go figure) or at church-related activities, which is a great place to find someone, but Tuesday nights with there being several thousand in attendance they're all just faces in the crowd.
Speaking of Tuesday night, that's where I'm going with this. The current Porch series is on relationship goals, and I know last night is what God wanted me to hear. Towards the end of the message I heard God saying, you're trying too hard. Wait. There's times when I begin to lose all hope and doubt that I'll ever find anyone...the one thing I've wanted most out of life. I began to pour my heart out to God. I cried out (in a whisper, of course):God, I know this is what You wanted me to hear. Please give me peace and patience in all this, I know You have someone out there for me. I'll wait as long as I have to. It's hard to have trust and faith when this is all I've ever known, but at the time it was perfect and exactly what I wanted and needed to hear.
As I wrote in some lyrics at some point in my life: I'll keep waiting, she'll show up in God's perfect timing. Until then, live it up!
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