"Never Again Will I Run"

First blog of 2019. This year has gotten off to a rather uneventful start. What happens when you work 40 hours a week and all your weekend plans aka dirt races get rained out once the season officially started. Case in point. Last Saturday night, home, in my room listening to the '90s band Stavesacre (better than anything that is out now, trust me) and had a rhetorical question rolling around in my head, and quickly grabbed my notebook and jotted down some thoughts, even though I wasn't even in the writing mood. Played with it about 10 minutes and this is what turned out.

At what point in life Does the infatuation stage fade? Does it ever? Almost feels like i am at the point To not even pursue anyone Not that i ever did to begin with No longer will i run away But instead Man up and handle rejection and have Confidence in myself One thing I’ve always lacked Not sure why Always afraid she will See me in a different light Always affected the way I approach things Would honestly rather run away Than risk rejection yet again When it’s literally all I’ve ever known Will i ever expect the results to change? If i ever expect a different outcome Gotta change me My outlook my confidence my lifelong fear Not getting any younger here

After sending this out to about a dozen or so people, the first question I was asked was, who is this about. The surprising answer is, no one in particular. I came up with the first question, how old is too old for the infatuation stage, since I'm almost always prepetually single, am I too old to have a "Crush"? And came to the conclusion that, since I hit my 30s in 2011, I have been infatuated with 3 people. 1 I cried over letting go, one I actually dated, and one I ran away from. One of these days it will all work out. So I basically wrote it about 37 years of perspective through my eyes.