2021 Retrospect

 Normally I have these year-in-review blogs finished by now but seeing there's just hours left in the year shows how busy and behind a lot of things I am.

I'll start, I guess, with the most important thing. In an effort to finally being both financially independent and an independent adult, in July I took on the task of being able to balance 2 jobs, I began working the overnight shift at Winco, a grocery store. My sleep schedule (and personal schedule, for that matter) were both drastically altered. I get 8 hours of sleep a day, just not in a row, and then I get Friday off from both to catch up on everything but sleep. I love what I do, and I like the full-time employment and the pay and the benefits that come with it. I don't want to do it forever, I've actually had people offer me a third job, I just don't have the time for.

Right at this time last year, I was ringing in the New Year with a long-time friend who I thought I would end up with beyond friendship. Flying in from Florida a couple times, I would either pick her up from the airport or make sure we were able to go out and spend time and get caught up together, and after a year of what I thought was going to end up in the positive, in the summer she politely let me know she didn't feel anything for me romantically, needless to say I took it pretty hard for a while, and I had a lot of questions without answers and the answers I did get I felt like were dodgeball answers. We're still friends it's just weird now, and with that I think I'll permanently give up ever looking for true love. It's all a waste of time.

In July, I was shooting the races at Superbowl speedway like I normally do when my schedule allows, and witnessed the unthinkable and unimaginable. We once again learned the dangers of racing first-hand and saw a fatal accident at the track. The outpouring of love and support from a young man who wasn't well-known at the track (he wasn't a regular, I had only seen him there twice before this season) was heartwarming and also the increased safety efforts at the track to ensure an incident like that never happens again.

I was able to attend my 20th-high school reunion in September. It was a lot of fun, some friends, we picked up right where we left off 20 years ago, and made new memories and reconnected with some long-lost friends as well.

I was poised to get an apartment, again, to finally be on my own as an independent adult. I had signed the lease, I had paid the down payment, and I had cleared all the background checks (I think me being a registered Republican/2X Trump supporter was my only fault...I kid...), and a week-and-a-half before my move-in date, they called and let me know I made too much money and I was disqualified from living there. I was devastated and have begun the agonizing process of looking for another place to stay with very little to no leads.

On the concert front, I was only able to attend one, but it was a good one. In June I saw the band Red, my 2nd-favorite band, for the 7th time ever. It was their first concert in 18 months, first show with a brand-new drummer, and I think it may have been the best show they have put on in the years I have seen them. Was an amazing night, and I was able to get a picture with their bassist Randy after their set.

That's really about all that's fit to print, outside of RPM and Superbowl Speedway (my home tracks) I went to Devils' Bowl Speedway in April for my first weekly show there (I usually attend Sprint Car races there) and I went to 2 races at the Texas Motor Speedway dirt track, and finally saw some prominent dirt late model drivers in person for the first-time ever. All were great nights of racing.

With that being said, 2020 was the longest 6 years of my life, while 2021 went by in a breeze. It wasn't a good year or a bad year, just lots of weird things and a lot of both forgettable and unforgettable events.

What's on store in '22? Only God knows and as Switchfoot sang in the song "Let It Happen", "I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future"

Numb

 Last year I got a text from a longtime friend that I have liked off-and-on for 20 years. Text read: do you like me? Hesitant I said, I can't. She replied, why not? And I gave an answer. Later I gave a full detail saying that I absolutely adore her and that there's nobody else in the world I would rather be with. A few weeks ago she came to visit for 2 weeks, we went out twice, I paid for dinner, dropped her off gave her a long hug and a kiss on top of the head (I don't kiss, for the record, I'm the least-romantic person you will ever meet) And over the course of the last year if you would have gone through all of our messages you would have thought we were both seriously interested in each other. Thursday I got a text: hey I don't feel anything for you romantically i hope we can still be friends. Let's just say I felt like we broke up right then. I was bummed, I'm still am, and now I can safely say I don't think I'll ever find the one God intended for me. So I wrote this at my overnight job kinda in-between customers. Literally everyone was pulling for us, she bummed out more people than just me.

NUMB

For the last year

I loved you and treated you

As if you were my very own

Counting down the days till

You would be here and

I would be holding you in my arms again

Only to find out

Once again

Time wasted

Wasn’t mutual

Never was

Sorry if i seem so bitter

Maybe it’s because i am

Thinking you were the one i had

Longed for

I had prayed for

Only to once again be

Wrong

Like every other time before

Numb

Is all i feel

Because it’s literally all I’ve ever known

Thought it would be different this time around

After years of trying

Once again

Starting over

And all the feelings of

My self doubt come creeping back

Am i not good enough?

Am i supposed to be forever alone?

Will i ever experience true love? True passion?

What i have longed for

Starting to feel like time is passing me by

And I’ve completely missed my chance (at true love)

Thinking of all of those i gave up

Just to think i had a chance

Never again will i run away

From my true feelings

Never again will i hold back

My thoughts

As time on earth is short and temporary.

In case one day i finally do

Find the one whom my soul loves

A Lesson About Track Safety.

 July 10, 2021 started out like any other night at the races. Arrive as early as I can (with my hectic work schedule I'm thankful I can even make it at all) arrive at the track with my camera and safety vest, sign in, get my wristband and go about my thing, making rounds through the pit area and catch up with guys who are like family to me now. 

For those of you who don't know, I'm a photographer at Superbowl Speedway in Greenville, TX, it's an absolute blast and I love doing it and all the benefits that come with being a track photographer. I always like to say, my camera hasn't seen a car it didn't like, and I also feel that if there's a new car there, he's going to want to see photos of his car, so I'm "that guy" (there's also 2 other photographers there, and I feel like we are all really close friends, there's a camaraderie with all the photographers in the DFW area).

The night started out as normal, and in my rush to change out from my work clothes to my racing clothes, I forgot my earplugs. It was the least of my worries that night (I love the sound of racing engines zooming by me but I also would like to be able to enjoy the sounds of those when I'm much, much older)

The 600CC mini sprint feature, something went terribly wrong. From my permanent infield perch in the turn 4 infield, I see the red flag being displayed, which means an accident happened and the race is immediately stopped. I look around to see what part of the quarter-mile bullring the incident occurred and to what car. Not 20 feet in front of me I see a yellow 26 car, on its side, on fire. As the car is gradually brought back on all 4s, I noticed something had gone terribly wrong. I see the body of the driver hunched over and the car is completely engulfed in flames. What happened next is the actual point of this post, as to what went horribly wrong and ways for it to be prevented again. For 5 terrifying minutes, the driver is completely engulfed in flames with no signs of help. The 5 minutes felt like an absolute eternity, people frantically running to try and put out the fire by any means necessary. The EMT's that were on site were unfortunately ill-prepared for such a situation. Drivers were running out with only the lower-half of their firesuits and didn't have fire extinguishers, and those that did, the bottles were only good for a couple sprays. I saw look of absolute fear and horror on people's faces and in their eyes as they were trying to get him and the fire put out. I removed my safety vest and set my camera down, I am also not prepared nor trained for any situation like this, but I was frantically screaming out (I was blessed/cursed with a loud, carrying voice), please, someone get a fire extinguisher, let's get him out! My calls fell on deaf ears. Drivers were running with their coolers to try and extinguish the flames. After 5 agonizing minutes they were finally able to get the young man out of his car. I was right next to the ambulance in the infield as they loaded him in, his helmet and HANS device landed at my feet, the visor and inside foam were completely melted due to the intense heat. Needless to say and rightfully so, the remainder of the nights events were canceled. I prayed with one driver on the front stretch for this young man's safety and again with a big group in the pits after the races. I turned my music off in the car as I left for the night and headed home, trying to shake the images that I saw out of my mind, but also once again continuing to pray for the driver, the EMT's and everyone that witnessed the events unfold. I got maybe 3 hours sleep that night, once again with the images burned in my head.

This is where I get to my point. The point of this is about track safety. I am in no way bashing this track. It's my home track, I represent it and the people are like family to me. I almost think that we became too complacent in general that situations wouldn't arise like that at our local track. Fire is every racers biggest fear. I think nobody there was properly prepared as to handle that situation, but we all need to realize, racing is an inherently dangerous sport, at any level, of any class, at any track. Did we let our guard down? Did we lose the mindset of, that can't happen to me?

The young man, Caleb Couch (say his name) died 3 days later of massive head injuries and also sustained 3rd degree burns on 60% of his body. Needless to say, the track has made massive upgrades to both safety personnel at the track and fire safety as well. It was the worst thing I have ever seen at the track, and I've been going to races my entire life. It's an addiction that needs to be fed weekly. I was completely gutted and devastated when I learned of his passing. I didn't know him personally, but after learning about his life and the extraordinary life he lived after his passing, he did more living in 17 years than I've done in nearly 40. And it made the grieving process easier when I found out that he knew Jesus and that his pain in the few days after the accident was only temporary, and he shed his earthly body and is now with Jesus for all of eternity.

The following week, the track canceled the races but instead, had a candlelight vigil memorial for Caleb. The gospel was preached. He was smiling down at the crowd that turned out for a kid, who was relatively unknown at the track (it was his first year racing and I can only recall him being out there one prior time this season) I'm thankful I went.

The main point of this post, is for tracks and drivers in general: don't ever be too safe. Even in 2021. Racing is still inherently dangerous. It's a risk racers sign up for. The rush. The the thrill. The competition. Even if it means paying the ultimate sacrifice.