I Think The Hardest Part of Holding On Is Letting It Go

Monday I made the most difficult decision of my life, but I felt like it had to be done.

2 years after running away from "G", she was still dominating my thoughts. Why? Do I have literally nobody else to think about in the busy-ness that is my life? I honestly don't have an answer. So after much thought, I just decided to end it, and finally move on with my life. I unfriended and unfollowed her social media accounts and either took down or untagged all photos I had of/with her (there was a lot)

I selfishly do this so I can move on. I never wanted to be in this situation to begin with and I honestly didn't know how to handle it. After all the praying, arguing/debating back and forth with myself, NOT wanting to be interested because I KNEW going in she wasn't the one, to literally running away instead of facing my fears, I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Like I posted in the lyrics I wrote last week, what if? What if I had never liked her beyond friendship? What if I had confidence in myself and could just tell her and risked the biggest fear I have? So many questions remain unanswered.

I still care deeply about her, I still do consider her a friend, although have only heard from her once all year, and this was nothing to do with her and everything to do with me and finally trying to move on once-and-for-all.

I use all this as a learning experience for the future in case this situation should arise again. I have too much self-doubt and lack-of-confidence, especially with females, especially incredibly Godly, beautiful females. How will I ever find the "one" if I keep running away and keep my feelings in the "head in the clouds" and never do anything about it? Someone once told me that I'm afraid to go after women, because I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt again. I hate it when people know me better than I know myself.

"Goodbye for now, I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go"--POD.