"What If"

Lately I've been pondering (scary I know) That up until 2 years ago, what if I never liked "G"? What if I had just stayed friends with her and not let it develop beyond that? Where would I be in life right now? Would I still be at my old church with my old group of friends? Would I even know my amazing Cottonwood friends? So Tuesday I had a group of words rattling around in my head all day at work for 2 days, Wednesday I basically wrote it in my mind and made sure the idea was still in my head when I got home. I wrote it down, and even after I put it in my phone yesterday I added yet a couple more lines. It kind of reads like "Start Again" from the Red Innocence and Instinct album (go back 10 years) So without any further explanation, here's "What If"

Looking back
On time passed 
What could i have done differently? 
What if i never liked you? 
What if i has just stayed friends? 
What if i didn’t run away?
What if i could let go of all my fears?
What if i could truly trust You like i say i do?
Would my life be any different?
Why am i always so fearful?
Why am i always so afraid?
You have not given me a spirit of fear
God You know all the answers
You have a plan
You opened up the doors
You planted all feelings and emotions
Yet i still don’t quite know all the answers
And only know i will get them
In Your perfect timing
Difficult for my human mind
To at times grasp
Until Jesus truly satisfies
Not one person or thing ever will
Daily reminder to myself

a friend of mine asked me what I do with my songs? I'm not a musician. I'm a writer. I write to say what at times, believe it or not, I can't always say (and after 2 years why am I still writing songs about her?) I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting in my writing lately, I have 37 years of experience. I write for myself but also so maybe someone else can relate as well!