2 days after my 33rd birthday, I found myself in a familiar but forgotten position: I once again became unemployed. I did it to myself, only thinking of myself and it happened because of pure selfishness. In the middle of a busy dinner rush, out of pure frustration, shaking because of hunger and feeling like I was going to pass out, I left my position, said, I'm done, I'll see y'all later, and walked out. I had grown increasingly frustrated there as it was, I was there for so long it just kinda became mundane and routine, but I was so tired of the customers (and I'm a people person) little things that I had no control over would have me screaming on the inside. I kept so much inside for so long that it wasn't healthy, while being fake and friendly on the outside. I still HAD to greet each customer with a smile and thank them with the same fake smile, while screaming at cursing at them in my mind, I had just reached my breaking point. But where do I go from here? It seems every time I try to make it ahead in this world, I have a set back like this. There is no reason for me, at 33 years old, to be unemployed and living at home.
I quickly began weighing my options. I applied at several places kinda half-heartedly, thinking to myself, can I see myself doing this for more than 6 months or doing it long-term? Trust me, I never wanted to be at my most recent employer for almost 7 years. I hated it, but it was close to home and it was steady constant work. I got paid weekly so it seemed like I always had money even though the amount of work was not equal to what I got paid.
I have never had a full-time job, and I don't see that changing, and I almost picked a bad time to leave (although is there ever?) because right now w/the holiday shopping season starting, most businesses are only hiring for seasonal work or are already fully staffed.
Tuesday night I had a prayer time w/my parents, who obviously aren't happy about my choice but are still fully supportive of me trying to find steady work (because, again, being 33 and living at home, just isn't right. Women are throwing themselves at a 33-year-old unemployed guy living at home), trying to see where I do go from here, and asking God to open doors and show me the right place.
This year I lost my job and my girl. That means I'm only meant for bigger and better things!
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
I finally figured it out, part 2.
All year since I split up with my first love I have been trying to figure out what I look for in the opposite sex, since she was everything I look for. I have dragged my feet and tried to find what else to look for in a mate, and maybe taking this long to get over her prevented me from really knowing what I look for, the other day I finally figured it out. It's not much.
Basically, I want someone who puts Christ in the center of everything she does. That's one area we both failed, I was more centered around making her happy and also seeing how truly selfish I was.
I also would like someone to challenge me to be not only a better person, but a better Christian as well, and to encourage me to never give up on my hopes and dreams. Again, she failed in that aspect. I think that experience was brand new to both of us, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
That's basically it. I know she's out there. I've almost literally lost my mind this year wondering if I'll ever find anyone, and at one point WAS almost willing to settle, and I'm glad I didn't. But I'm in no hurry now. My life is slowly taking shape and I know sometime down the line, God will bless me with what I'm working for.
Basically, I want someone who puts Christ in the center of everything she does. That's one area we both failed, I was more centered around making her happy and also seeing how truly selfish I was.
I also would like someone to challenge me to be not only a better person, but a better Christian as well, and to encourage me to never give up on my hopes and dreams. Again, she failed in that aspect. I think that experience was brand new to both of us, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
That's basically it. I know she's out there. I've almost literally lost my mind this year wondering if I'll ever find anyone, and at one point WAS almost willing to settle, and I'm glad I didn't. But I'm in no hurry now. My life is slowly taking shape and I know sometime down the line, God will bless me with what I'm working for.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
I Finally Figured it Out
It took me 32 years but I finally decided what to do with my life: photography. I kinda went through my skills. I'm not mechanically inclined and by the time I learn all the updates would be every 2 years so I would be close to 40 before I got certified. Pretty much, I'm good at writing and I've gotten really good at taking photos lately. It's always been a hobby of mine, nothing exciting, just snapshots, mainly when I go to races/concerts. But thanks to having Instagram on my phone, it's really helped me get the "eye" that photographers have.
For the longest time it always felt like my dreams/goals/hopes/dreams/future was out of reach. It was like, I always knew what I wanted to do w/my life, but I never knew how to go out there and get it. And I decided that if I'm going to want this, I'm going to go out there and get it! I'm saving up a little bit of each paycheck and put it in my accout, and my goal is within the next year to have a really nice new camera and start taking photography classes. I even have a name picked out: Still life photo. Everyone LOVES the name. It's a play off my name, and it fits perfectly.
I'm at a point in my life, I can't just drag my feet and be doing what I'm doing forever. I wish I would have came up with this decision like a decade ago, but I also know I'm not getting younger and if I WANT to have a career I need to go out and make it happen. No more putting things off!
I really feel God laid this desire on my heart and I want to use my newfound skill for His glory and use it to somehow expand the Kingdom. I'm excited to get this yet-to-be-written chapter of my life started, and hopefully make a successful career out of it, God willing!
For the longest time it always felt like my dreams/goals/hopes/dreams/future was out of reach. It was like, I always knew what I wanted to do w/my life, but I never knew how to go out there and get it. And I decided that if I'm going to want this, I'm going to go out there and get it! I'm saving up a little bit of each paycheck and put it in my accout, and my goal is within the next year to have a really nice new camera and start taking photography classes. I even have a name picked out: Still life photo. Everyone LOVES the name. It's a play off my name, and it fits perfectly.
I'm at a point in my life, I can't just drag my feet and be doing what I'm doing forever. I wish I would have came up with this decision like a decade ago, but I also know I'm not getting younger and if I WANT to have a career I need to go out and make it happen. No more putting things off!
I really feel God laid this desire on my heart and I want to use my newfound skill for His glory and use it to somehow expand the Kingdom. I'm excited to get this yet-to-be-written chapter of my life started, and hopefully make a successful career out of it, God willing!
Friday, March 21, 2014
Judging
Lately I've been on this kick about so-called "Christians" who do nothing but judge people with the time they have. I guess the passing of Westboro founder Fred Phelps during this week, as well as a video I saw from a Switchfoot show in Baton Rouge last week, really brought it to my attention as a topic I feel like needed to be addressed.
I don't know how, as a so-called Christian (not for me to judge) you can just stand on a street corner and spread the message of hate. Jesus never once insulted people to deliver His message,even though when He cleared out the temple He did call the people in the temple "snakes and vipers". He showed by example, and even went as far to say, "Love your enemies. Do good to those who persecute you." The Westboro "Baptist Church" had gotten national attention over the course of the past decade for protesting military funerals and funerals of celebrities who had died as well. While this is protected by free speech/first amendment, does it make it right? Holding up signs saying, "God hates Fags", and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers", what kind of message are they spreading? Which Bible are they reading? Where does it say ANYTHING about God HATING anyone? (even though God said Jacob He loved but Esau He hated) John 3:16: For God so loved the WORLD...". God HATES sin. But God also loves everyone unconditionally. While I agree that homosexuality is a sin, God loves all those people as much as He does you and I. It's a hard concept for the human mind to grasp. How can God love everyone equally? That's why I'm glad He's God and I am not.
The Switchfoot video I was talking about earlier: last week, they were playing a show in Baton Rogue, and there was an over-zealous judgmental "preacher"using a megaphone to judge, not only Switchfoot and their music, but the switchfoot concert goers. I forced myself to watch the 15-minute clip...twice, to fully grasp what the man was saying. After the show ended, Switchfoot frontman Jon Foreman told the crowd that there was protestors outside and for the concert goers to go outside, give them a hug and tell them they love them. The "preacher" basically said that, because Switchfoot is a "Christian rock" band that they cannot be of the world because they are "in the world", and that there is no Switchfoot music in hell (he was actually RIGHT about that, unknowingly), and that if you listen to their music, you're going to hell. 15 minutes (probably longer, the clip was only 15 minutes) of just straight judging. Jon even confronted the guy, lovingly, offereing him a bottle of water, telling him he loved him, and thanking him for coming out. I assure you that Jon Foreman was a more Christ-like example of true love/humility than that man could even think to be. That man was out to see glory/attention for himself while speaking a message of hate. The guy was a modern-day Pharisee.
It's unfortunate as well, seeing that Switchfoot's music has such a broad audience, that some of those fans/concert goers may not have been Christians and sadly the only "Jesus" those people would have seen would be an angry man w/a megaphone judging every person and telling them that your sin will send you to Hell, and unfortunately may have turned them away for good.
Here's the good news: yes we are all sinners. We ALL deserve hell. That's why Jesus came,to save us from hell, to give us a chance to spend eternity with Him.
When I first heard that Phelps was on his death bed, my first thought was, good, happy burning buddy! Then I felt convicted, and I was like, only God can judge him. Then I changed my tune and said, hopefully before he steps into eternity he can see the error of his ways and the message he chose to give, one of hate instead of one of love, and to be truly repentant. When I heard of his passing a couple days ago, I immediately thought, I hope he saw the Light before it was too late, otherwise he is in a place where love is nowhere to be found, and has eternal seperation from God.
The irony is that, before his death, his own family and "church" excommunicated him from their church, and that they didn't want anybody protesting his funeral. I had a couple people tell me they would picket/protest his funeral but that's what they would want. Why would we lower our standards to stoop to their level? I saw a picture on twitter that I posted as well, hold up a sign at a WBC rally that says "God is Love" and watch their heads explode!
This has gotten my attention as well, I find myself sometimes, in my mind, being just as judgmental as the people I have mentioned. I'm getting better, but it's not my place to judge ANYONE. I am no better than anyone. "How can you be worried about the speck of dust in your brother's eye while you have a plank in your eye?" I wrote a song about something similar to this topic when I was in college a decade ago, it said something along the lines of, "How can you spread the love when you're too busy judging everyone?" I need to try and find a written copy of it somewhere or just try to re-write it.
To sum it all up: why do we judge? Why do we rank sin? God treats everyone..and all sin...equally. How can you be a professing Christian while condemning others to hell? That's NOT what Christianity is about. It's about the opposite. It's about telling others about the love of Jesus that has the power to save and to conquer sin.
I don't know how, as a so-called Christian (not for me to judge) you can just stand on a street corner and spread the message of hate. Jesus never once insulted people to deliver His message,even though when He cleared out the temple He did call the people in the temple "snakes and vipers". He showed by example, and even went as far to say, "Love your enemies. Do good to those who persecute you." The Westboro "Baptist Church" had gotten national attention over the course of the past decade for protesting military funerals and funerals of celebrities who had died as well. While this is protected by free speech/first amendment, does it make it right? Holding up signs saying, "God hates Fags", and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers", what kind of message are they spreading? Which Bible are they reading? Where does it say ANYTHING about God HATING anyone? (even though God said Jacob He loved but Esau He hated) John 3:16: For God so loved the WORLD...". God HATES sin. But God also loves everyone unconditionally. While I agree that homosexuality is a sin, God loves all those people as much as He does you and I. It's a hard concept for the human mind to grasp. How can God love everyone equally? That's why I'm glad He's God and I am not.
The Switchfoot video I was talking about earlier: last week, they were playing a show in Baton Rogue, and there was an over-zealous judgmental "preacher"using a megaphone to judge, not only Switchfoot and their music, but the switchfoot concert goers. I forced myself to watch the 15-minute clip...twice, to fully grasp what the man was saying. After the show ended, Switchfoot frontman Jon Foreman told the crowd that there was protestors outside and for the concert goers to go outside, give them a hug and tell them they love them. The "preacher" basically said that, because Switchfoot is a "Christian rock" band that they cannot be of the world because they are "in the world", and that there is no Switchfoot music in hell (he was actually RIGHT about that, unknowingly), and that if you listen to their music, you're going to hell. 15 minutes (probably longer, the clip was only 15 minutes) of just straight judging. Jon even confronted the guy, lovingly, offereing him a bottle of water, telling him he loved him, and thanking him for coming out. I assure you that Jon Foreman was a more Christ-like example of true love/humility than that man could even think to be. That man was out to see glory/attention for himself while speaking a message of hate. The guy was a modern-day Pharisee.
It's unfortunate as well, seeing that Switchfoot's music has such a broad audience, that some of those fans/concert goers may not have been Christians and sadly the only "Jesus" those people would have seen would be an angry man w/a megaphone judging every person and telling them that your sin will send you to Hell, and unfortunately may have turned them away for good.
Here's the good news: yes we are all sinners. We ALL deserve hell. That's why Jesus came,to save us from hell, to give us a chance to spend eternity with Him.
When I first heard that Phelps was on his death bed, my first thought was, good, happy burning buddy! Then I felt convicted, and I was like, only God can judge him. Then I changed my tune and said, hopefully before he steps into eternity he can see the error of his ways and the message he chose to give, one of hate instead of one of love, and to be truly repentant. When I heard of his passing a couple days ago, I immediately thought, I hope he saw the Light before it was too late, otherwise he is in a place where love is nowhere to be found, and has eternal seperation from God.
The irony is that, before his death, his own family and "church" excommunicated him from their church, and that they didn't want anybody protesting his funeral. I had a couple people tell me they would picket/protest his funeral but that's what they would want. Why would we lower our standards to stoop to their level? I saw a picture on twitter that I posted as well, hold up a sign at a WBC rally that says "God is Love" and watch their heads explode!
This has gotten my attention as well, I find myself sometimes, in my mind, being just as judgmental as the people I have mentioned. I'm getting better, but it's not my place to judge ANYONE. I am no better than anyone. "How can you be worried about the speck of dust in your brother's eye while you have a plank in your eye?" I wrote a song about something similar to this topic when I was in college a decade ago, it said something along the lines of, "How can you spread the love when you're too busy judging everyone?" I need to try and find a written copy of it somewhere or just try to re-write it.
To sum it all up: why do we judge? Why do we rank sin? God treats everyone..and all sin...equally. How can you be a professing Christian while condemning others to hell? That's NOT what Christianity is about. It's about the opposite. It's about telling others about the love of Jesus that has the power to save and to conquer sin.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Extremist Album Review
Demon Hunter is my favorite band, if you didn't know by now. I had been eagerly anticipating the release of "Extremist", their 7th studio album (man, has it been that many already?) since I first heard news of it sometime last year. I basically had March 18 marked on my calendar. I still listen to "True Defiance", the previous release from 2012, quite reguarly. They have found their niche and their sound, I think all the albums that led up to that they had been kind of experiementing, but also, at 7 albums, they still have a distinct sound, blistering drums, screaming vocals, and yed, harmonious at the same time.
I popped the disc in my cd player not long after purchasing it. The first song, "Death", has some interesting pre-music sayings (maybe Latin???) before the music kicks in. The song is quite aggressive and isn't very long.
The cd has everything you'd expect from Demon Hunter: fast, blistering, pulsating drums, killer and perfetly played guitar solos, electronic loops/sampling on a couple tracks, Ryan's amazing range and how he goes from his normal singing voice to full on throat scream almost effortlessly (and I love the all-time octave low on "I Will Fail You".
There is one track which MAY cause a bit of controversy. The song "Cross To Bear", he actually chose to scream out the word "Bastard", which is a "Christian swear word". That's it, remove it from all the Christian book stores, and drop the "Christian" from the band. That kind of language has NO place in "Christian" music. All sarcasm aside, Ryan Clark explained why he chose to use the word "bastard" in the song: "the story of the cross of Christ is sacred. It's most definitely not percieved that way by everyone, but it is for me. Expressing the hardships in life as your 'cross to bear' has become commonplace, but when I ponder its implication, is an insult to true and meaningful sacrfice. No burden you carry will ever compare to the weight of the world. The use of 'bastard' in this chorus, is in fact, contextual. Making a statement like this shows an obvious division between its conveyer and a Heavenly Father". Very well stated.
The tracks range anywhere from crank it up, tear your face off, thrash/metal, to ballads, to aggressive, radio-friendly rock. The track "In Time" is a combination of all, and fades beautifully to nothing but an acoustic guitar at the end of the song before fading out.
It is an outstanding album. Best release ever? Up for debate. To me, "Storm the Gates of Hell" and "True Defiance" are their best releases, but I would rank "Extremist" right up there with them. Flawless musicianship, outstanding vocals and lyics, and Yogi once again shows why he's the best drummer in "Christian" music, the man is a madman behind the kit, with machine-gun sounding double-bass beats in every song.
Definitely worth the price you pay (which, by the way, is $7.99 at Best Buy) Happy rocking, rockers!
I popped the disc in my cd player not long after purchasing it. The first song, "Death", has some interesting pre-music sayings (maybe Latin???) before the music kicks in. The song is quite aggressive and isn't very long.
The cd has everything you'd expect from Demon Hunter: fast, blistering, pulsating drums, killer and perfetly played guitar solos, electronic loops/sampling on a couple tracks, Ryan's amazing range and how he goes from his normal singing voice to full on throat scream almost effortlessly (and I love the all-time octave low on "I Will Fail You".
There is one track which MAY cause a bit of controversy. The song "Cross To Bear", he actually chose to scream out the word "Bastard", which is a "Christian swear word". That's it, remove it from all the Christian book stores, and drop the "Christian" from the band. That kind of language has NO place in "Christian" music. All sarcasm aside, Ryan Clark explained why he chose to use the word "bastard" in the song: "the story of the cross of Christ is sacred. It's most definitely not percieved that way by everyone, but it is for me. Expressing the hardships in life as your 'cross to bear' has become commonplace, but when I ponder its implication, is an insult to true and meaningful sacrfice. No burden you carry will ever compare to the weight of the world. The use of 'bastard' in this chorus, is in fact, contextual. Making a statement like this shows an obvious division between its conveyer and a Heavenly Father". Very well stated.
The tracks range anywhere from crank it up, tear your face off, thrash/metal, to ballads, to aggressive, radio-friendly rock. The track "In Time" is a combination of all, and fades beautifully to nothing but an acoustic guitar at the end of the song before fading out.
It is an outstanding album. Best release ever? Up for debate. To me, "Storm the Gates of Hell" and "True Defiance" are their best releases, but I would rank "Extremist" right up there with them. Flawless musicianship, outstanding vocals and lyics, and Yogi once again shows why he's the best drummer in "Christian" music, the man is a madman behind the kit, with machine-gun sounding double-bass beats in every song.
Definitely worth the price you pay (which, by the way, is $7.99 at Best Buy) Happy rocking, rockers!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Goals
I wrote this at work yesterday, since I've been doing a lot of reflecting on life lately, what I want to do/be when I "grow up", and nobody has ever really told me my skills. I feel like, my one true skill, that seems to come off so effortless, is my writing. And trust me, it felt SOOOOO good to write about something other than my ex for once. It's been 2 months, I think I've said all I needed to say in writing.
For whatever reason all the goals
I have set for my life always seem
So far out of reach so unobtainable
I know what I want out of my life
Have my dreams set
Dream car house spouse
No one ever really told me
What I'm good at
Always seemed to be up to me
To find my skills
Feels like I wasted so much time
Waiting instead of going out
And finding my areas of strength
Afraid it may be too late now
Sadly I have let the negative words
Of others beat me down for
Far too long
I can react 2 different ways: take it as a positive or a negative
And I always lean towards
The negative for whatever reason
I know God will bless me
With all my hopes and dreams
But also know it's up to me
To see out the plans the path He has laid out before me
Father show me who I am Supposed to become
What you have in store for my life
May doors open that have yet to open
For whatever reason all the goals
I have set for my life always seem
So far out of reach so unobtainable
I know what I want out of my life
Have my dreams set
Dream car house spouse
No one ever really told me
What I'm good at
Always seemed to be up to me
To find my skills
Feels like I wasted so much time
Waiting instead of going out
And finding my areas of strength
Afraid it may be too late now
Sadly I have let the negative words
Of others beat me down for
Far too long
I can react 2 different ways: take it as a positive or a negative
And I always lean towards
The negative for whatever reason
I know God will bless me
With all my hopes and dreams
But also know it's up to me
To see out the plans the path He has laid out before me
Father show me who I am Supposed to become
What you have in store for my life
May doors open that have yet to open
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Life Doesn't Always Go As Planned
After a brief hiatus and vowing I would never blog again, well, don't say "never", just needed some time off and reflecting on what really needs to get shared. I've done a lot of thinking on my life lately, and I did post about this several years ago, but it seems like my life has always been a bit behind schedule, and I'm kind of in a funk right now. I know what I want to do with my life, I've just never known how to achieve those goals and it always feels like something has been holding me back. I've also felt like I have all this unused potential and even at 32 I'm still trying to find my skills and what I'm good at.
I've had a love affair of cars my entire life. But I am very mechanically inclined and am too stubborn and willing to learn, and hearing the technology updates itself every 2 years would just be that much more to learn. I want to do something in the automotive field, but what excatly, aside from working on them or selling them, I don't know.
I love to write (obviously) God has blessed me with an ability to make words flow and for people to understand. It just came naturally to me. I've never gotten paid to write. If I could, oh man, well I wouldn't be typing this from my parents' computer at their house.
I love music. I love to talk (really...?) and I love to talk about music. Radio would be a fun path to choose as well. Plus I've been told I have a face for radio. I think I could easily to traffic reports because, I mean, how hard can that be? Looking out, at all the roadways in Dallas, there's either construction or a wreck, you're most likely stuck in traffic.
I thought long and hard about career choices. Obviously my dream job is to be in NASCAR somehow. I just feel I'm in the wrong part of the country and I can't afford to pack up and move to North Carolina and if it doesn't work out to where I don't find anything, would be a wasted effort.
I just thought at this point in my life I would have found some stability. Life doesn't always work out how you want it to but I know it's all in God's hands and it's up to me to find His will for me life. And I know that there will be some beautiful, not-as-young-as-I-hoped because I'm getting older, woman just waiting for me when everything in my life takes shape.
If I would have cared more about school when I was younger I don't think I would be in this situation now, but it's all part of the growing progress. But I also look at how many of my friends have had such a difficult time finding jobs AFTER graduating college, I guess I'm thankful to have found steady, even though not-well-paid employment w/out having a degree to fall back on. I still like to think I'll be successful in this world.
Hang w/me folks, it's gonna be a bumpy emotional ride, but it'll be so worth it in the end!
I've had a love affair of cars my entire life. But I am very mechanically inclined and am too stubborn and willing to learn, and hearing the technology updates itself every 2 years would just be that much more to learn. I want to do something in the automotive field, but what excatly, aside from working on them or selling them, I don't know.
I love to write (obviously) God has blessed me with an ability to make words flow and for people to understand. It just came naturally to me. I've never gotten paid to write. If I could, oh man, well I wouldn't be typing this from my parents' computer at their house.
I love music. I love to talk (really...?) and I love to talk about music. Radio would be a fun path to choose as well. Plus I've been told I have a face for radio. I think I could easily to traffic reports because, I mean, how hard can that be? Looking out, at all the roadways in Dallas, there's either construction or a wreck, you're most likely stuck in traffic.
I thought long and hard about career choices. Obviously my dream job is to be in NASCAR somehow. I just feel I'm in the wrong part of the country and I can't afford to pack up and move to North Carolina and if it doesn't work out to where I don't find anything, would be a wasted effort.
I just thought at this point in my life I would have found some stability. Life doesn't always work out how you want it to but I know it's all in God's hands and it's up to me to find His will for me life. And I know that there will be some beautiful, not-as-young-as-I-hoped because I'm getting older, woman just waiting for me when everything in my life takes shape.
If I would have cared more about school when I was younger I don't think I would be in this situation now, but it's all part of the growing progress. But I also look at how many of my friends have had such a difficult time finding jobs AFTER graduating college, I guess I'm thankful to have found steady, even though not-well-paid employment w/out having a degree to fall back on. I still like to think I'll be successful in this world.
Hang w/me folks, it's gonna be a bumpy emotional ride, but it'll be so worth it in the end!
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